Signs, Signs, Everywhere (will be) Signs…

When I retired three years ago, I decided that my house was going to be oh-so-much tidier than before. After all, I’d have six previously-unavailable hours at my disposal five out of seven days per week! Mind you, I had no intention of doing all of the tidying myself. Instead, I would spend part of my newfound time tidying up only after myself–and maybe after my husband (a bit), since he’d be busy working hard all day to bring home the bacon. As for the rest of they tidying, I would simply leave signs/letters/checklists hanging about the house in strategic locations for my four children. They would then read said signs/letters/checklists and follow any and all cleaning/tidying instructions contained within. Passive-aggressive? Perhaps. But, with these signs/letters/checklists posted all over the house, I would no longer have to nag my kids about cleaning up after themselves. There would be clearly defined expectations, and no more “I didn’t hear you say that,” or “I didn’t know what you meant.” All would be wonderful, and my house would look AMAZING.

Fast forward three years. My house is still a hot mess. I’m damn tired of constantly cleaning/tidying, and I haven’t posted one sign/letter/checklist for my children. Instead, I have continued to nag and make snarky comments like, “I would love to snuggle with you on the couch before bedtime, but I’m too busy cleaning up your XYZ for the one hundred millionth time.”

Until today. TODAY, everything changes. I have finally posted my first sign…

Dearest (Name Hidden to Protect the Innocent),

Before you sit down in front of the PS4…

1) gather all the non-recyclable trash* that is strewn about your room, as well as the non-recyclable trash that is overflowing from your trash bin, and deposit it in one of the empty trash bags attached to your door knob;

2)  gather all the recyclable trash** that is strewn about your room, as well as the recyclable trash that is overflowing from your trash bin, and deposit it in the other empty trash bag attached to your door knob;

3)  pick up all of your dirty clothes and place them in the dirty clothes hamper conveniently located next to your dresser, where it has resided for the past eight years;

4)  put away*** all the clean clothes that I washed, folded nicely, and placed lovingly on the bed for you; and lastly,

5)  take the filled trash bags to the garage and put the non-recyclables in the trash bin (with the blue lid) and the recyclables in the recycle bin (with the yellow lid).

*Non-recyclable trash includes all used Kleenexes, food wrappers, etc.; it does NOT include dirty clothing you cannot bother to put in your dirty clothes hamper.

**Recyclable trash includes the 100s of empty Gatorade bottles and most other plastic items you will find in various locations throughout your room.

***By “put away” I mean “place the clean, once-nicely-folded clothes in their assigned locations” (i.e., T-shirts in the T-shirt drawer, shorts in the shorts drawer, undies in the underwear bin); I do NOT mean “stuff the once-nicely-folded clothes in a wadded-up pile on one of your closet shelves.”
 
With Love,
Mom